Shadow Work - Checking in...

 

Hi guys,

Just a quick one today to see how you are all doing with your shadow work.

In our earlier post on Shadow work we stressed that this work was NOT for everyone, and that you had to be ready for it.

Well, did anyone start to undertake shadow work, or did you realise that you had been doing some without knowing what it was?

The next big question for me to ask you is do you have support? Emotional support from friends and family can be crucial to success in this endeavour. If their treatment of you is dismissive or actually emotionally hurtful, you need to find a different support network.

Checking in....

In order to find out if your network is actually supportive, checking in is key. 

Check in with your thoughts and feelings when you are with certain people - ideally one at a time until you get used to doing this, otherwise you will quickly get overwhelmed - if you feel like they lift you up, make you feel better, happier etc., then they stay in your life for now. 

If, however, you feel that you are left with too many questions, that you are drained, that you feel sad or otherwise worthless, then they need to NOT be in your life

Checking in isn't as simple as it sounds, and does take practice. Don't expect to get it right the first few times, but don't think any less of yourself for this. It is natural, and everyone will feel this way. There is no shame in being unable to do this.

Take time for yourself, sit quietly (I used to go into the woods for this, I don't need to anymore) and basically turn your attention inwards to see how you are feeling. Calm your thoughts and your breathing, not quite to meditation level, but approaching it.

Trigger response

There is a school of thought with shadow work that you need to be around those that 'trigger' you in order to overcome that trigger. I DO NOT  agree with this. To me this is the equivalent of exposure therapy used to treat phobias. I believe that it can make the response worse, instead of better. 

To me, I describe each emotional response as being wrapped up in levels of response. I will describe it as candy floss [cotton candy to our US followers], it's all wrapped up in layers. The more you are negatively triggered, the more layers you have to deal with when it comes to the point where you are ready to start doing the work, the longer it will take to get to the true emotion behind the response.

When you are aware that a certain person/behaviour/event/word/look triggers a specific response in you, you can take that trigger with you and sit with it to figure out WHY.

I have come to believe that there are only a few core emotions, love being the positive one, and fear being the most negative.

One that people get confused with is grief. It is seen as ONE emotion, when it is a whole bundle of emotions wrapped up under one blanket. When you break it down, grief has many emotions, including:

Anger, 

Betrayal,

Love,

Sadness,

Fear of a life without the person or thing that you are grieving,

Confusion,

Guilt,

and probably a few more, that is just off the top of my head!

You have to deal with each of these feelings in turn and separate them from the others. It's a long process, and you need time to work through it all.

Grief isn't just bought on by death, either. Any person or situation that leaves your life (think moving house, changing jobs, leaving a relationship etc.), whether you walk away or they do, causes a grief response. That is a natural response, and to be expected. What is key is your response. 

For me, I have found that I now take less time to move through a grieving process, as I expect it, allow myself time to sit with it and work through it.

Just be aware that many will see you as "a cold hearted bitch" through this process, especially the further you go down this road. Learning to ignore them and quietly move on with your life in the way you have learned over time.

I will get on to trauma responses in another post, as that is far deeper than I have time for here!

Let us know in the comments below (or email us if you feel unsafe or exposed leaving a public comment) if there is anything we can help you with on your journey.

True Souls Emporium

Kerenza xx